I'm not emo, I've never liked online journals or blogs, but I have to vent my feelings.

For the past 2 weeks I have had a cold, the same cold my sister had and caught Pneumonia from it. The first week was almost agony. Coughing to the point where it's almost heaving or throwing up. Coughing that caused my muscles in my shoulders and back to tighten so much it felt like being crushed by a car. I've even missed an programming lab exam, because I could only walk 1.5 city blocks when school is 7 blocks away. But sicknesses go away. For instance I will be going to the doctor tomorrow to see if what I have is dangerous. But what is ailing me is not the cold or the possible failure of an exam, granted it part of the reason I'm so upset, but what is really pushing me over the edge is my brother.

For the past 3 nights I've stayed up all night, and slept during the day, because my brother, who had recently got himself a girlfriend. I know I should be happy with him because he is a social misfit, and he is lucky to get a girl for himself that is worth anything. Let's just say he has poor choice in friends. Anyway, his girlfriend is a very nice person, but it's extremely hard to return the niceness back to her, when you've been sick for nearly 2 weeks. But again being sick is only part of my problem. What my brother has been doing is inviting her over to the apartment, without even considering the state of the apartment or considering how I feel and if I would want anyone in the apartment.

I won't deny that I'm probably a little shy and anti-social, but I cannot sleep mainly because I feel as if I've been invaded by strangers. But another thing that's a problem is I sleep on the bottom bunk, my brother sleeps on the top. I have no problem sleeping underneath him, but when his girlfriend is up there with him, giggling, I don't even want the thought in my head. Now you're probably saying, well sleep on the couch or something and this brings up my other point. I can't be friendly enough to her to keep her from being a stranger in my eyes. And I don't know about you, but I don't sleep when I know there is a stranger in my house, hence the feeling of invasion. But this invasion is a continuing assault because, I can hardly every get a word in with my brother because there's hardly a moment when he's not around her. I want to tell him "You're an idiot. Why would you bring someone into such a shitty looking apartment and especially when I'm sick?" Now obviously I don't want to hurt his feeling or cut him down in front of his girlfriend. So I've been patiently waiting for a time I could talk to him in private without insulting her. Three days have passed, and I'm still waiting for that moment. I actually did have about 5 mins of a private moment with him where I told him, "Before you bring her over anymore ask me." but I guess this message never got through to him, because once again, she's over and he and her are sharing the top bunk.

My mom now knows, after I emailed her about my situation, and she agrees that what he's doing is stupid. She will be over at 1PM tomorrow, and she is going to help me with these problems. But tomorrow just doesn't come fast enough. For the past 3 days I have been unable to leave the apartment because of this problem (because he's not too bright). That's why I feel like a prisoner in my own house.

Maybe I'm just a chicken shit, or maybe I'm just too considerate for my own good, but I am trapped. I'm feeling as trapped as I am claustrophobic. Like I said, I'm not emo.

If you've read this all the way through, I owe you a thank you. Even if you think I'm retarded, or just some little wuss. If you've ever felt trapped you know, the experience only makes you stronger.

My name is Daniel Shaw, and this is my first personal journal.